I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
