we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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