i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
