Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We just shotgunned beers for America
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
