As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Say something about gay babies.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
