Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
