peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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