we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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