Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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