your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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