i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
