hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
