broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
