Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
