like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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