DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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