can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The adults are the big ones right?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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