Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
