i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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