if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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