New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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