I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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