If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
