i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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