There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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