seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
