how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
