Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
