She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
