If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
