there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
