I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
