So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
