if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
