Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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