I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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