Dual....:-)
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
