He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
