great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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