I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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