Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
