so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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