my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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