if you like me you must not know who I am
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
