he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
