Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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