i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
