I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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