You can't motorboat a personality
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
