There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
