he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
